Sitemap - 2022 - Toilet Read
Woah: Turns Out That Andrew Tate Might Not Be The Stand-Up Guy That We Thought He Was
5 Best Plans For New Years Eve
Top 10 Funniest News Stories Of 2022
George Santos, New York Congressman-Elect, Is A Liar
As A 'Filthy Animal', Thank You For The Christmas Wishes
Ukraine This, January 6th That: It Feels Like Nobody Is Talking About My Mullet
That Slimy Rat Bastard: The Elf On The Shelf Just Fucked Our Mom
It’s My Birthday: Let Me Tell You What I Want
5 People Better Than Lionel Messi At Soccer
Is This Part Of The Shtick? Talia Lichtstein Answers My Burning Questions
Harsh: This Guy Just Unsubscribed From The 'American Cancer Society' Listserv
Behind The Scenes: Crafting The ‘Perfect’ Toilet Read Headline
Addressing The Rumors About Me Free Soloing El Capitan
Buying Frozen Yogurt For My Friends But Only Giving It To Them If They’ve Read THIS Newsletter
Which Essential Oil Should You Use For A Big, Fat, Juicy Ass?
Kyrsten Sinema Leaves Democratic Party; Starts The Sinema Party
TIMELINE: Brittney Griner’s First Hours Back In America
Seriously, Another One? Georgia Senate Race Goes Into Its Fifteenth Runoff Election
What To Do When You See A Celebrity
Vladimir Putin Pooped His Pants, But So Did You (Probably)
Major Rebrand: Box Tops For Education Now Used For Teacher Armament
Okay Kanye, That's Officially Strike Two
Spotify Wrapped: My Favorite Holiday
Full List Of People Living In The White House
5 Of The Best Black Friday Deals
Social Security Number Reveal 🥰
Pokémon Have Stockholme Syndrome
Huge Mistake: Biden Pardons Two Turkeys
Lupita Nyong’o Still Does Not Subscribe To My Newsletter
Ticketmaster Fees Are Not High Enough
Anna Sorokin Sentenced To 11 Years In Prison
Who Pays For Dinner On A First Date?
A Day In The Life Of The Year 2122
5 Things John Fetterman Can't Live Without
Annie The Omniscient: A Conversation With The Founder Of ‘Depths Of Wikipedia’
Forget About The Ballot, Just Give Me The Fucking Sticker
The History Of Daylight Savings
Half Of The Employees At Twitter Keep Their Job
I Should Have Seen That One Coming: The New Official World Cup Song Is VERY Homophobic
Pelosi’s Husband Bludgeoned, Biden Confused
The Hyphenated Last Name Conundrum
Musk Buys Twitter: Institutes Odd New Rule
How To Handle Negative Feedback
Apple Announces New Product: Slippery AirPods
Major Rebrand: The Try Guys Try Heroin
Ranking Taylor Swift Song Titles Based On How Good Of A Name They'd Be For A Marijuana Strain
Introducing: Super-Fungible Tokens
Impression Of My Dad Watching 60 Minutes
What To Do When You See Someone Getting Bullied
History Righted! The ‘Washington Redskins’ Renamed To The ‘Washington Dirty, Cheap Jews’
It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Kid Still Wearing Shark Tooth Necklace Stabs Himself With It
GAME: Kanye Tweets or Crazy Shit I Just Made Up
Adding A Random Email To My Substack!
All Press Is Good Press? Rust To Continue Filming After Alec Baldwin Shooting Incident
Best Jobs For Someone With A Biology Degree
Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People? Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Husband Files For Divorce
Celebrities: They’re (We’re*) Just Like You
NASA Tries To Land Ship On Asteroid, Fails
Things That Aren’t An Insult But Sound Like One
6 Things More Beautiful Than Autumn In New York
Ok They’re Even: Turns Out Adam Levine's Wife Was Also Having An Affair (With The Hamburglar)
Steve Jobs Reincarnate? I Just Created 4 Groundbreaking App Ideas
What Harry Styles Keeps In His Tote Bag
5 Things That Queen Elizabeth And Princess Diana Are Probably Talking About In Heaven
10 Ways To Increase Your Carbon Footprint
The 5 Dirtiest Places In New York City
New Restaurant Challenge RESULTS
Girls In New York Have One Of Four Personalities
How To Tell If Your Sex Playlist Is Too Counting Crows Heavy
Gamblers Delight! The NFL Starts Today And The Queen Is Almost Dead
Wait, They Can Do That? A Guide To The Amish And Man’s Best Friend
You Wouldn’t Let A Child Sell You A Car. Why Let Them Sell You Lemonade?
Day 3 Biking Across (Part Of) New York: The End
Day 2 of Biking Across New York: The Weirdest Shower Of My Life
Day 1 of Biking Across New York: It’s Easier To Set Up Camp In The Daylight
Day 0 of Biking Across New York: Prepping and Stressing
Six Degrees Of Separation: Who Can I Reach?
BeReal: What I Was Doing Today When My BeReal Went Off
Biden Forgives Some Student Loans, Does Nothing About My Crippling Gambling Debt, Though
Sneak Peek At My Next Big Adventure
Get The Look: George R.R. Martin Edition
Leon Edwards Wins UFC Welterweight Championship, Calls ME Out Specifically As Next Opponent
Compliments To Give Pregnant Women Besides ‘Radiant’
Walking Around The StuyTown Loop Until I See Someone I Know
I Can Climb Mount Everest Because I Can Walk And Breathe
Beyond The Bedazzled Hat: A Conversation With Max Zavidow
Do You Crumple Your Toilet Paper? Or Fold It Into Intricate Origami Art?
Why Running With The Bulls Might Actually Be A BAD Idea
Ok This Is Getting Weird: Wii Fit Accurately Predicted Like A Ton Of Shit About Me
So Much For The Land Of Opportunity
Yup, I Could Definitely Beat Up Kelly Clarkson
I Might Have Just Set A World Record
How To Tell Your Children About The Kim Kardashian And Pete Davidson Breakup
“Sooo… That Happened 👀😂” By Emperor Nero
Drinking 9 Beers During 9 Holes Of Golf
Beatles Lyrics OR Marjorie Taylor Greene Quotes
Letting YOU Choose My Next Adventure
Cereal First? Milk First? How About AMERICA First?
Ranking NYC Animals On How Much I’d Want To Eat Them
Half-Off Special! Justin Bieber Merch 50% Off In Honor Of The Singer’s Paralysis On Half Of His Face
Arranging A Trade For Brittney Griner
RIP! Oprah Scheduled To Die In 2024
Adult ‘Would You Rather’ Questions
Fortune Favors The Bold: I Just Blanched A Tomato
Skittles “Unfit For Human Consumption”: Still No Word On Eating Ass
Red Flag? This Guy’s Love Language Is Flash Mobs
Bath Salts: Lots Of Fun Or LOTS Of Fun
5 Things To Do In The Hamptons This Summer
Four Democrats To Replace Joe Biden In 2024
Toilet Read T-Shirt Giveaway Results
Groundbreaking Photos From NASA Really Put Into Perspective Just How Insignificant My DUI Is
5 Things To Say To Someone Who Isn’t Picking Up After Their Dog
Koko The Gorilla’s Final Words Revealed, And You Might Not Like Them
Dear Fencers: Actually Stab Someone Then Gimme A Call
Boris Johnson Resigns. Who Will Take His Place?
Some Advice For The Man On My Train Reading The Book “Preparing For Marriage”
Compliments To Give On A First Date
The Worst Logo In The History Of Logos
5 Times That The 'Stranger Things' Characters Went Too Far
Taking The Internet By Storm: Get To Know The ‘Poo Your Pants Challenge’
Have Bakers Gone Too Far? Joe Biden Turns Out To Have Just Been Cake This Whole Time
5 Things That I Base My Self Worth On
Somebody Has To Say It: Astronauts Shouldn’t Have Spouses
Can This High School Hooper Be The Next Steph Curry?
The Time I Pooped On The Oregon Trail
6 Month Anniversary Of 'Toilet Read'
The Weird Question That Keeps Me Up At Night
Let Our Kids Vape, For God’s Sake
Introducing: MASSIVE Desk Concerts
'Danger To Society' Venn Diagram
Aliens Might Realistically Think That Humans Are Poop Factories
The 4 Special Guests That I Hope Are At The Phoebe Bridgers Concert Tonight
“I’m Definitely Shadowbanned!” Says Influencer Who Just Isn’t Making Entertaining Content Anymore
5 Strategies For Getting Called On In Class
The Person That Doesn’t Understand The Concept Of An Encore
Slay Queen! This Girlboss Just Used Her Toolbox To Kill A Cockroach
7 Scientific Hypotheses That I, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Have Formulated Regarding Why I Get No Bitches
An Apology Letter To Michael Jordan
A Quick Correction On My Previous Post Regarding The Queen And Her Menstrual Cycle
The Queen Of England Gets Her Period, Too
The Reason That I’m Unimpressed With Los Angeles
Songs That I Enjoy Both Ironically and Sincerely
My First Gray Hair: A Look Back Through The Years To See What Caused It
'Saving Private Ryan' Movie Synopsis, I Think
A Wannabe ClickHole Headline, In The Making
The Guy Next To Me On The Plane Stole My Armrest So I Rooted Against His Favorite Soccer Team
Unusual Cons Of Working From Home
Chaotic Birthday Seating Chart
The Top 5 Meals From My Bike Tour
5 TV Shows That I Desperately DON'T Want To Be On
Thanos: Evil Villain or Wise Population Ecologist?
Me And Michael Jordan: Not So Different After All
A ‘Wikipedia’ Page About Andrew Greene
My Interview With Alice Held: Bike Touring Phenom, TikTok Star, and Outdoor Extraordinaire
Me, George Kirby, and The Transitive Property of Equality
Compiling All Of The Best 'Deez Nuts' Jokes That I Could Find
The Only Thing Worse Than Performing Bad Stand-Up Comedy
‘Thank God There Are Nuts In This Cookie’ And 5 Other Things That Have NEVER Been Uttered By A Human
Help Me Pick a Vanity License Plate!
Quiz: How Many Of These Spider Facts Do You Know?
Whatever, Just Kill All The Fuckin Rhinos
5 Things To Do If You See Someone Crying On The Street
Confronting Recent Issues Head-On
Tragic: Another Child Dead After Being Given An Automobile By Kars4Kids
Awkward! Mathematicians Just Found The End Of Pi
My Official Stance On The Ancient Chinese Practice Of Foot Binding
25 Things That I Hate (With 5 Things That I Love Sprinkled In)
Rose, Bud, and Thorn For The Day
The Dentist: My Sworn Nemesis… But Also My Friend
Home Is Where The iPhone Charger Is
Notable Mistakes That I Made During My Half Marathon Today
A (Not So) Brief History of The Mediocre Melodies
If I Caught A Foul Ball At A Baseball Game I Would NOT Give It Away To A Child
Top 5 Most Embarrassing Moments of My Life
I Got High, Drank a Red Bull, and Watched Inception (I Think)
Today Was, Statistically Speaking, The Sluttiest Day of the Year (So Far)
Whoever Says That Gossiping Is Bad Probably Just Doesn't Realize How Fun It Is
Andrew Greene: College Graduate, Accomplished Cyclist, and Soon-To-Be Pickler of Onions
15 Animals That I Could Beat The Living Shit Out Of
20 Non-Binary Baby Names for the Ever-Changing World
You Know That You’re an Adult When...
The People of 'Black Mirror' Did NOT Enjoy My Submission
Old Tweets of Mine That I Stand By/ Don’t Stand By
I Hired Salt Bae to Spread My Great Grandfather’s Ashes
I’ve Sold Toilet Read to The Onion
Making Large Numbers Easier to Digest
Ban Babies From Flying With Adults
My First Stand-Up Comedy Experience
Which Famous Person With Marfan Syndrome Would I Most Want to Have Lunch with?
My First Artificial Intelligence Newsletter
If I Were President For The Day...
What do Middle School Vice Principals and Deaf People Have in Common?
Songs That Should Actually Be Permanently Banned
Do Old People Actually Not Know How to Use Alexa or Are They All Just Super Committed to the Bit?
MY PRACTICE INTERVIEW With Certified Non Celebrity and My Friend, Sam Grossman
REMINDER: Spotify is Listening to You!
Wild! This PIG Who Swapped Hearts With A HUMAN Can’t Stop Watching Soldier Homecoming Videos
On Second Thought, Maybe There is a Tooth Fairy
Two Stabbed at MoMA, but Neither of Them Were Me so it’s Fine
Controversial Opinions (Part 2)
Lies that I Actually Used to Tell When I Was a Kid
*sigh* Happy International Women’s Day, I Guess
My Celebrity Crushes: A Complete History
I (Accidentally) Bought a Racist Shirt Today
Say What You Will About Smokers...
State of the Newsletter Address
Making Love and 'The Cha Cha Slide' Aren’t Too Different, After All
4 Things That Have Been Confusing Me Lately
75 Places to go in New York City
QUIZ: Said to a Sexual Partner or in a Taxi?
Should I Sign Up a Celebrity For My Substack?(Against Their Will)
How I Decided to Spend my Sports Betting Money
It’s official: Jonah Hill is Marrying my Mom
Seeking a Practice Interviewee
Go Ahead, Try Walking Faster Than Me on the Sidewalk
The History of Valentine's Day
History of the Super Bowl / Dance Moms
Pizza! The Best, The Worst, and The Most Average
I Bought a Gold Chain and Now my Brain Thinks that I'm Italian
Bring Back the Sexy Green M&M or I’m Going to Kill Myself
If I Can’t Have a Mustache, Then No One Can
Winter Olympic Sports, Ranked in Terms of How Good I'd be at Them
Ski Boots: Back to the Drawing Board
2022 Winter Olympics: Why I Chose Not to Participate this Year
Why Everyone Should Boycott Wordle
Punxsutawney Phil Phucked my Wiphe
Quiz: How Many of These Ellis Island Facts do you Know?
history of the statue of liberty
Elementary School Nurse Flow Chart
A Quick Catch-Up with an Old Friend
Top 5 Items that I Found While Cleaning my Childhood Bedroom
The Rise and Fall of Mason Ramsey
Keep Poor People Out of Gramercy Park
let poor people into gramercy park
Butts: the most confusing part of the human body
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
History of the (Half) Marathon
my 25 favorite workplace expressions
My Thoughts on the Rising Inflation Levels in the United States
my most controversial opinions
LAST 5 PRESIDENTS RANKED (in terms of how much I’d enjoy it if they were my father)
literature censorship challenge !
Greekrank, but for NYC Neighborhoods that I’ve Visited
my first week at SNL (hypothetically)
2022: The Year of the Newsletter
Who Should Replace Queen Elizabeth II?
My Nominations For The Next Pope