7 Scientific Hypotheses That I, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Have Formulated Regarding Why I Get No Bitches
Perhaps I am too concerned about celestial objects orbiting the stars in outer space and not concerned enough about booty-shaped objects orbiting my face in real life (too work-obsessed)
Perhaps instead of talking so much about Pluto and whether or not it’s a real planet, I should have been talking about Uranus and how badly I want to take it to pound-town (no game).
Perhaps someone has developed an anti-love potion using undesirable pheromones to make me smell bad to pretty women (smelly).
Perhaps the pull of earth’s gravity has had too much of a negative impact on my bodily physique (too flabby).
Perhaps I spend too much of my money on telescopes and scientific gadgets and not enough money on chocolates and fancy lingerie for the ladies (too stingy).
Perhaps my body has a tendency to release methane at the most inopportune times (gassy when nervous).
Perhaps I spend too much time talking about global warming and not enough time talking about how cuddling with me on a cold day could warm up your body and heart (too emotionally closed off).