Things More Dangerous Than Drag Brunch

Nothing.

Nothing is more dangerous than Drag Brunch. Drag Brunch kills, on average, 100,000,000 people every single year. Do me a favor and re-read that data point. One hundred MILLION people every single year. That’s so many people. 

If someone is able to leave a Drag Brunch alive, it is almost certain that their eyes will fall out of their skull within a day of attending the event. Furthermore, the wait staff has to be replaced every single day because all of the servers are either vaporized in the restaurant or their eyes fall out of their skull, leaving them unable to see where they’re walking. 

A friend of mine went to a Drag Brunch recently, drawn in by the promises of some lighthearted karaoke, vibrant costumes, and delicious Huevos Rancheros. And while his breakfast was certainly tasty, he paid for the experience the following day when his eyes fell out of his skull.

Don’t even look at this photo. My eyes felt loose while writing this post; I wouldn’t be surprised if they fall out of my skull tomorrow.

Now, every time I try to show my friend a funny TikTok video, he says:

“I CAN’T SEE… Remember? I went to the Drag Brunch last weekend and then my eyes fell out of my skull. I am no longer able to visually consume hilarious TikTok videos.”

Nothing is more dangerous than Drag Brunch. Nothing.