Strike! Gwyneth Paltrow On Trial For Knocking Down 10 Children Skiers “Like Bowling Pins”

After writing about her odd diet last week, I pledged to never mention Gwyneth Paltrow ever again because her first name, for whatever reason, physically pained me to type out.

G W Y N E T H

The only name that is more difficult for my brain to grasp is former Miami Heat basketball star, Dwyane Wade, whose parents might have just actually made a typo on the day that he was born.

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But alas, Ms. Paltrow has done another Toilet Read-worthy thing by plowing into a group of children while skiing in Utah, a crime that she is now on trial for.

Gwyneth said that she was under the impression that the children, who were all wearing the same red ski outfit so as to be easy to keep an eye on by their ski instructor, were bowling pins that she was supposed to aim for. She slammed into the V-formation of children at top speed and knocked them all to the ground. 

In Gwyneth’s defense, the bone broth that her private chef was preparing for lunch was getting cold, so she had to hurry home rather than sticking around to see if the kids were alright— which they, most certainly, were not. 

Paltrow faces a maximum punishment of having to eat only fast food for 60 days.