If You Need Me Today From 6:00-6:04pm...

I will be listening to “The Last Time I Saw Richard” by Joni Mitchell.

If you need me today from 6:00-6:04pm, please do not contact me. I will be laying in my bed in my dimly lit bedroom listening to “The Last Time I Saw Richard” by Joni Mitchell and thinking about all of the people that I have wronged in my entire life. 

It is absolutely imperative that you do not contact me in those 4 minutes and 16 seconds, especially at the 2 minute 52 second mark when Joni says “Richard got married to a figure skater / And he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator” because that is my favorite part of the song; it makes me laugh. 

I mean, who the hell chooses to rhyme ‘figure skater’ with ‘coffee percolator’? That’s just too good.

It is important to remember that Joni Mitchell removed her music from Spotify so I will be forced to listen to “The Last Time I Saw Richard” on YouTube. This means that I cannot close the YouTube app or else the music will stop.

The music cannot stop. I must listen to the song in its entirety in order for me to really get in the right mindset to wallow and feel bad for / about myself. 

So do NOT contact me from 6:00-6:04pm today. 6:05pm is fine. 5:59pm? Perfectly alright. But for those 4 minutes and 16 seconds, I will be unreachable.