Hard To Top: 5 Candidates To Replace Lori Lightfoot As Mayor Of Chicago
Lori Lightfoot, whose stature and overall demeanor are the only things sillier than her name, will not serve another term as Chicago’s mayor, as of this Tuesday’s election results. Lightfoot started off as a popular politician, but over time grew more divisive in America’s third most populated city.
Exit polling revealed that Chicagoans just did not find Lori Lightfoot to be silly enough for them. They said they needed someone even weirder than Lightfoot to be their new mayor.
Here Are 5 Solid Options For The Next Mayor Of Chicago:
1. George Santos
George, as we all know, was born and raised in Chicago. He attended Northwestern University on a full baseball scholarship and even stayed in his home city for his graduate degree, attending Rush Medical School. He was the architect of the famous bean structure and he even invented the Chicago style hot dog. Additionally, he plays third base for the Chicago Cubs. What more could you ask for in a mayor?
2. Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller
Ferris Bueller has done more for Chicago than Lori Lightfoot ever has. If Matthew Broderick ran for mayor and promised to act like Ferris Bueller the whole time, staring into imaginary cameras and delivering heartfelt monologues or dancing on a parade float to Wayne Newton’s timeless hit, ‘Danke Schoen’, I’m confident that he would win handily.
3. Michael Jordan
I would be more surprised if Chicago Bulls legend and greatest basketball player of all time, Michael Jordan, didn’t get at least 90% of the votes if he were to run for mayor.
4. Michael B. Jordan
Handsome fella! Not sure if he has any connection to Chicago, but the name alone might help him succeed.
5. The Bean
The Bean, otherwise known by its real name, Cloud Gate, is perhaps the most iconic landmark in Chicago. It is a piece of art that should not only be celebrated, but should be elected as mayor, as well. Some towns vote for a dog to be their mayor; Chicago should vote for a bean.
Ferris!!!